Step 1: Question your skills.
Marlow: She’s trying to sext with me. She said, “Danger is my middle name, and I like being between things.” If she thinks I know how to respond to that, she is sorely mistaken.
Step 2: Be not sober.
Step 3: Go against your better judgment.
Step 4: Mimic medical professionals.
Step 5: Get outside help.
Step 6: Make it weird.
M: She just said something totally nonsensical. “So again, you’re not a casual observer.” I’m just gonna send her a picture of an alligator and say “Whoops, wrong sexting conversation.”
me: Wait, really? Why?
M: BECAUSE IM HILARIOUS.
me: Are you really though?
M: Shut up. She just replied, “Beautiful.”
Step 7: Beastiality.
M: Now do I say “I meant to send a picture of my dick?” Because I’m about to do that.
M: She responded with a picture of a dog
me: No words?
M: No. I have no idea what’s going on.
me: Send her a knock knock joke.
M: I said, “WTF you sick bastard. DICK NOT DOG.” She said, “I was sending you a picture of my bitch.” The bestiality road has opened.
Step 8: Kill the mood too soon.
M: She just ended it with “What are you up to?”
me: Send her a daisy and say you’re taking pictures of your flower.
M: No. I said I was laughing because the conversation is ridiculous. The intense moment has ended.
m: It was good though.
M: It could have been so much better.
Sexting is weird.