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Searching for the right gif is time consuming. If you don’t know what a gif is because you don’t own the Internet (how are you even reading this?), I will explain. A gif is an animated image. It’s like the moving photographs/portraits in Harry Potter. To inceptionize the concept, here is a gif with those pictures in it.
Harry Potter
To go deeper check this out.

Back to gifs. I start out by Googling things like “new girl boob fight gif” or “crush gifs” and almost always Tumblr has the goods. This was a great strategy until I decided “love gifs.” Scrolling through the Tumblr results taught me a few things.
1. Tumblr is not the family friendly website I believed it to be.
2. Sex gifs exist.
3. Sex gifs are horrifyingly explicit.
4. Even if something repulses me, I will not stop scrolling.
Oh my god I need help.
(To be fair I learned the same thing about myself when I browsed the r/wtf section of Imgur.)

My first response to call out to my roommate, Mae, and update her on my internet discoveries. She basically side-eyed me with her voice and told me to stop looking up weird things.
What is wrong with you?

Then I informed Sriracha who basically told me I needed to get my life in order.
hard slap on the face

Luckily there’s always Coco. Coco is my fellow adventurer in all things inappropriate. Where I am drawn like a moth to an overturned semi, Coco has an active appreciation for any expression of love between consenting adults.
Yes!

me: YO! When you Google “love gifs” and click the Tumblr option there are so many pornographic gifs that are very explicit.

Coco: Oh snap! Well, good thing I’m on my home computer. I’m bout to get wiiiiiiiiiiild ‘n cray cray. Oh wow! You weren’t lyin’. Aw, some of them are innocent and cute. Also, don’t judge, but I Googled “sex gifs” and sex sure is fun in gif form.

me: Haha, just make sure your momma doesn’t see!

C: She’s out with friend. Oh Flying Spaghetti Monster, forgive me!

Mae: Tell Coco sex is disgusting in real life.

C: Tell Mae, she’s lying.

me: The only reason it looks good is because it’s in black and white and that makes it look artsy. Normal people don’t look good having sex.

M: Even pretty people don’t look good.

me: Sex is best in the dark.

M: Under the covers.

me: Separated by a sheet.

M: Through a hole.

me: With space for the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit between you.

C: Oh lawd, now everyone knows about my sinnin’.
wink!

Seriously, guys, say no to sex gifs.

–b.d.sloane

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