I tend to fall in love with everyone I meet. I usually juggle a few crushes. Velvet’s realtalk inspired me, but I don’t have the cojones to be that direct. I much prefer to hide behind this post. [Editor’s note: When I originally posted this, I worried that it was unfinished. I was right. I’ve reordered the list and decided to clarify some points. You can find a screenshot of the original post here.]
Crush 1: I don’t have a real crush on you, but more of a suggestion of one. It’s easy to wonder about you. But, let’s be real, what would really happen? I’d do almost anything for you. I trust you would for me, too. But, every time I start to seriously consider you, you remind me why that would be a terrible idea.
Crush 2: My crush on you is just an extension of how much I care about you. We’re comfortable with each other and I could tell you that I crush you, but it doesn’t need to be said. We enjoy each other, especially with wine. My crazy wants to sing you “Maps” the way Karen O. did for Angus Andrew. My sanity wants us to cause trouble together. I love you.
Crush 3: You told me your name and I forgot, but I went back to your restaurant just to see you again. I dig you, your awkward and that you respond to my weirdness. You think I’d make a good dictator and discuss “Girls?” Swoon. Maybe I’ll lurk you again and be super creepy. You’re the only crush worth pursuing at the moment, but I’ve always feared that flirting with servers borders on sexual harassment.
Crush 4: I’m not completely feeling you right now, but that changes at the drop of a hat. You’re hot and cold, too. I’m giving you 39 months to get your shit together. Why? Because even though you’re really fucking weird, I dig it. You also handle my crazy. Oh, I still plan on dating in the meantime. I’m not going to pine. Do you even read this blog? Irrelevant. You wouldn’t get it anyway. How can someone so smart be so dumb? Or maybe I’m the dumb one for still liking you.