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Some days just have a special way of breaking you down. Maybe you can empathize?

Have you ever locked your keys and cell phone in the trunk of your car because you were busy cursing at your trunk lid for falling down hard on you?
Your life is not a romantic comedy. Right now it seems like a sad documentary about a criminally insane spinster.

Has AAA ever told you that they can’t help you because only your father is on the account?
disapproving look

Have you tried using logic with AAA?
Are you in charge of being a douchebag? Because you're doing a great job.

Have you ever tried calling AAA back pretending to be your father, but the same person takes your call so you just hang up? (Like what are the chances?)
Pretending to talk to talk on the phone and then hanging up.

Has a locksmith ever charged you $165 to use a blood pressure pump and a hook to unlock your car?
God, I want a donut.

Have you ever had to drive through a fucking wintery mix in D.C. and then have to pay a meter $2/hr for street parking?
Okay...

Have you ever burnt your tongue on a hot chocolate disguised as a milkshake and felt the pain all day?
Ow!

Have you ever gotten a $50 parking ticket for failing to properly display your parking receipt?
I just figured if I'm going to be a mess, I might as well be a hot mess, right?

Was that ticket left directly on top of the parking receipt?
Running away, but pause to steal a bottle of wine.

Have you ever just internally screamed until all your organs turned to mush?You know, I recommend it!

For real, fuck Mondays.

–b.d.sloane

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